If you’re planning on spending your life with someone, it is given that you would have to see if he is the ONE. This simply means, in spiritual terms, if he is your soulmate. If he is the missing piece in your jigsaw. If he is the rum to your coke. If he is the Clyde to your Bonnie. For, if you really want to spend all of your life with one person, what’s the use of getting your heart broken for nothing?
So, our advice for you would be to check it, check him, and check your feelings. It is only then that you should move ahead, and claim him as yours.
But don’t worry, there are a lot of fish in the sea. He might turn out as a basket case, but not all of them are the same.
1. He has an underlying Oedipal complex, and has referred to you as mom. Ew!
2. He has extreme body odor. Now, that is acceptable if he has just come from a run, but before going for a run? No way in hell!
3. Sometimes your calls, your messages don’t reach him, even though his cell has perfect network. It’s so frustrating, isn’t it?
4. He always compares you to his ex, and not in a good way. She seems to always be better than you, or more experienced. Kind of a disappointment, that’s what you are to him!
5. You hope and pray with all your heart, that there is a kind, compassionate person, under all the pretentiousness. *snort*(not happening)
6. If his accounts are taken into consideration, his ex-doesn’t matter to him. Which is exactly why he still has coffee, friendly meetings and ooh la la, sex with her at times. You know, in a friendly, strictly ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine’ way.
7. He has no sense of humor. He is like a block of wood at a Ricky Gervais show.
8. You need to struggle to think about his good qualities. And what do you come up with? ‘He can walk straight.’ *deep sighs*
9. He will force you to watch the stupidest of things, because it doesn’t tax his already depleted brain cells.
10. He is intimate, but only until 3am. After that, it is “wham, bam, off you go, Ma’am”.
11. He is as introspective as a bowl of cheerios. Not even Cap’n Crunch.
12. His Sports Center matters more than your broken leg. After all, several NFL players shrugged off that sort of injury and got back out there. Doesn’t matter if you have never played rugby before.
13. You getting sick and him losing his grandmother always seem to correlate. All. The. Time. You wonder how many grandmothers he does have.
14. Not just you getting sick, that line is applicable for weddings, meetings, and anything that doesn’t have ‘SEX’ written on it.
15. Let’s just say that you cancelled out on the funeral, and are feeling particularly raunchy. What does he do? Scream ‘That’s not my granny!’, and jump in the sack. Wow.
16. He isn’t Ryan Gosling. No way near. Nope. Nada. Zilch. He is Mr Magoo.
17. Not just for the ‘he’ part of the relationship. But also if you think you are Scar Jo, well… “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the stupidest of them all?”
18. He thinks he is incapable of making a mistake. Well, poor you!
19. You might be on his lap 24 hours a day. But he gives you as much stock, as Andy Samberg in Friends With Benefits.
20. He calls you the same way he calls a waiter, or a pet dog. We don’t think you are either of them girl!
21. His family is obnoxious, and you would walk on burning coals, rather than spend time playing Jeopardy with them.
22. He is a douchebag who would watch Killers over James Bond.
23. He isn’t one to be monogamous. Ironically, you are married, and you have kids from the same person itself. Damn!
24. He is as capable as a kindergartner in a meth lab. He is a child. And you don’t have to take care of him.
Well, there you go. Let him loose into the wild! Shooo
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